Randomness-long

So I really dont have a plan set out for this blog, its currently 2:09 in  the morning, in Illinois and I am up for many of reasons, and I thought that since I cant really write a story on my labtop, I might as well write in my blog. Maybe this will prove to be better then the rest cause I am really just going off of anything, maybe it will really suck, oh well. So I am listening to The Script's For the First Time, The Script is a band that to me many people are on the fence about weather they like them or not. One thing I always hear is a debate weather they are pop, alt rock, or many other labels that people like to put on bands. I dont really think it matters. I personal am a believe in music, just music. What I mean by that is I could honestly care less weather something is Pop or Heavy Metal or Grunge, to me music is music, it all inspires me. I personal believe that their songs are incredible written and that O Donoghue's ( got to love the irish) voice is amazing. Though their songs do make me incredible depressed when I listen to them at this time in the morning. I guess I just wish I didnt feel so lonely you know, dont get me wrong I love life. I love my friends, I love my famliy at times, I wish I got to see some friends more but you know what are you going to do, I love how much I have been able to write recently something I havent been able to do in a long time. It's I have always really felt like I'm missing something, as if I have a huge hole in me and I just need something to fill it I guess, I dont really know how to explain it. I'm not depressed, but I am. I'm just waiting on that person you know to come along, or  I dont even know really. I dont like being that guy who is just a friend, I want to be more I guess. Thats another problem I deal  with though, wanting to be more. I dont really have a high self esteem, I have always wanted to be something more than I am, not really that I want to change my self, because I do love who I am right now. Just I want to meet my potential at ....everything really. Now I am listening to Train Marry Me, sort of masochistic I guess, but I mean I think everyone just gets into that mood where you really just want to be sad. Marriage has never been important to me really. I'm not saying that the idea of loving one person for every is stupid ( quiet the opposite really) it's just, what does Marriage really mean in the end, so you take my last name, woo hoo. I am not oppose to getting married, but if I never did and just lived with a girl I loved, I am fine with that. Now its Maroon 5 Wont Go Home Without You. I have always love the idea of romance really, as dumb as that sounds. The Idea that too people, out of all the people in the universe, can find each other and love each other with the love that people do, it kind of is amazing to me. Which then comes my belief in god. My view really differs with the Church, but I still consider myself a Christian. I just cant deal with that fact that there are many people out there who cant be happy because someone thinks that Christianity goes against it. I believe in Gay rights ( thought not gay, just believe in love like I said), I dont think people who commit Suicide get a instant sentence to hell ( not that I think its a good idea, life is deffiently worth living) and I dont think  that because you believe in a different religion, you may go to hell because of the big wheel of religion that some thing we are playing. But I do believe in a being that created us, and that he is looking out for us. That doesnt mean he is the proverble glove catching us when ever something goes wrong. And it doesnt mean that are lives are predestined really. I think that we all have many paths in front of us, but its are choices that mark are destiny. Now its the Doctor Who theme. By the way if you are a Scifi fan, I recommend watching Doctor Who. It is a brillant show, that if you didnt know has been on for ever. The writing has been amazing latley and Matt Smith is doing an amazing job as the Doctor, probably the third best behind Tennant and Baker. Well I guess this is where I end my huge rant, and since I am bad at endings I will do this
Goodbye